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Friday, 10 May 2013

  • I really want to be home right now. More than anything. I don't know how I am going to get through these days of nothing. I am fucking tired of dorms. I need to get out for the sake of my sanity. I'm so lonely and trapped and uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. I'm just so sick of everything here. It's not even Philly. Philly's really wonderful, but this fucking campus and this fucking dorm room are suffocating me. I want to be where people actually care about me. I can't feel cared for over the phone. It's hard for me to feel it in person most times. This is too much time for me to not be occupied. I spend my time picking everything that's wrong with me. It's not healthy. It's not good. I need to be home.

Tuesday, 07 May 2013

  • Okay

    In an attempt to make things better, a list of things I like about myself:
    • I have good mole placement.
    • My eyes.
    • I don't ever sleep in.
    • I don't procrastinate.
    • I'm not afraid of being alone.
    • I'm not afraid of snakes, spiders, sharks, etc. (Basically, I love all animals, fish, birds, and insects)
    • My hair's not boring.
    • I can be pretty creative at times.
    • I can be nice to anyone. Even if they are complete assholes to me.
    • I tend to have pretty interesting dreams.
  • Reckless.

    I am so angry at myself.
    I am so angry at my body for being the way it is.
    As hard as I try, positivity does not stick.
    I want to be at peace with myself.
    Why is this so fucking impossible?
    What the fuck can I do to make things better?
    I don't understand.
    And I am so angry at me for not being able to be comfortable and happy with myself.
    I hate this vessel.
    And I hate that every time I see my dad he comments on the freshman 15.
    According to the scale I haven't gained weight.
    But I fucking see it.
    And I fucking hate it.

Saturday, 04 May 2013

  • Chrome makes me uncomfortable. But I can only post things on xanga through chrome.
    I have entered one of my weird moods again. Where I have so much I want to say, but none of it really means anything. It just feels important. The ones where I put myself in pigtails, ask out loud when they were last cool, and laugh to myself.
    The ones where I brush and floss my teeth and feel the longing to brush my face against the sidewalks.
    I twitch my fingers and hug my ear with my shoulder.
    And I dpn't want anyone.

Wednesday, 01 May 2013

  • Well.

    I am so frustrated. I want to be home, but not in my house, if that makes sense. And I am tired of me. I wish there was a way to separate me from myself for a while. I am greedy fucking bastard when it comes to wanting people to care about me. And I'm frustrated with myself for it. I want to go home. I don't like being in my house anymore. I'm tired of my dark and cold room. I'm tired of the strong coffee. I'm tired of my dorm room. I miss the old days. And I'm so frustrated with myself for feeling all of this. And I just hate where things are right now. I don't know why. I have so much, and I am so lucky. i am so lucky.

LaughOutLoudLauren

  • Visit LaughOutLoudLauren's Xanga Site
    • Name: LaughOutLoudLauren
    • Birthday: 4/2/1994
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 6/30/2009

About Me

  • I don't want to be found.

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