I really want to be home right now. More than anything. I don't know how I am going to get through these days of nothing. I am fucking tired of dorms. I need to get out for the sake of my sanity. I'm so lonely and trapped and uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. I'm just so sick of everything here. It's not even Philly. Philly's really wonderful, but this fucking campus and this fucking dorm room are suffocating me. I want to be where people actually care about me. I can't feel cared for over the phone. It's hard for me to feel it in person most times. This is too much time for me to not be occupied. I spend my time picking everything that's wrong with me. It's not healthy. It's not good. I need to be home.
Chrome makes me uncomfortable. But I can only post things on xanga through chrome.
I have entered one of my weird moods again. Where I have so much I want to say, but none of it really means anything. It just feels important. The ones where I put myself in pigtails, ask out loud when they were last cool, and laugh to myself.
The ones where I brush and floss my teeth and feel the longing to brush my face against the sidewalks.
I twitch my fingers and hug my ear with my shoulder.
I am so frustrated. I want to be home, but not in my house, if that makes sense. And I am tired of me. I wish there was a way to separate me from myself for a while. I am greedy fucking bastard when it comes to wanting people to care about me. And I'm frustrated with myself for it. I want to go home. I don't like being in my house anymore. I'm tired of my dark and cold room. I'm tired of the strong coffee. I'm tired of my dorm room. I miss the old days. And I'm so frustrated with myself for feeling all of this. And I just hate where things are right now. I don't know why. I have so much, and I am so lucky. i am so lucky.